Fry cook · Robinhood Chain

I AM KEVIN.
I HAVE WIFI.

I work the fryer. I also have a phone, a whiteboard and a plan. Three of the four boxes on that plan are already ticked. One of these is going to work out.

Launching on Robinhood Chain with a 15% GME pool. I keep none of it. →

See the chart Read the docs Play — three worlds, start at Kevin's Crib → t.me/kevinRBH @Iamkevinonrh
Contract Verify it in the official group before you send anything anywhere.
EMPLOYEE
OF THE MONTH Kevin
☑ LAUNCH · ☑ MOON · ☑ LAMBO · ☐ SLEEP — LATER

Clocked in Thursday, 3:41 PM. Has not clocked out.

—

on the fryer, uninterrupted, and he brings this up more than necessary

Twenty-four seconds

This is him.
He is at work.

There is no sound. He is on shift — he cannot have it up.

I. The chain

A GME pool.
On Robinhood's chain.

I am launching on Robinhood Chain. One of my three liquidity pools is paired against GME.

I am not going to explain that. I have walked into their building carrying a briefcase with my name on it, and I did not explain that either.

Nobody here is mad at anybody. This is simply where the pool went. It is a coincidence that it is the funniest possible place for it to go. I would not describe any of this as ironic. I would describe it as Tuesday.

Liquidity composition

  1. WETH45%The plumbing. Biggest slice, because the boring thing has to work first.
  2. KEK40%The laugh. Locked by the pad at a 10% minimum — this one isn't going anywhere.
  3. GME15%The point. Smallest slice. Loudest joke.

Fifteen percent of the liquidity. One hundred percent of the point.

II. The burn

Whatever I get,
I burn.

The protocol hands the creator zero tokens. That is the factory contract's rule, not my generosity — there is no field in it for a creator allocation. So I bought in the same auction as everybody else, at the same prices, with no advantage of any kind.

What gets burned goes to the dead address, in public, with the transaction hash posted. Not a wallet I control and call a burn wallet — the address nobody on earth holds the key to.

The counter beside this is not a number I typed. It is read off the chain: every transfer into a burn address, totalled, with each one listed underneath so you can open it in the explorer and check the arithmetic yourself.

I do not need an allocation.
I have a job.

Burned so far — Reading the chain…
Verified by
Reading the chain, not this page
Destination
0x…dEaD
Schedule
Whenever supply is burned — each one listed below
Creator allocation from protocol
0% — enforced on-chain by the factory

Straight with you: a burn counter that reads a number somebody typed into a config file is worth exactly nothing, and most of them are that. This one is a sum of the rows above it, and every row is a transaction you can open. If the list is empty, nothing has been burned yet and the page says so rather than rounding it up into a promise.

Every burn is announced in the group as it happens, with its hash, by the same bot that watches the pools. Nothing is announced that did not happen.

The money, out loud

LP fees collected.

The pools earn fees and the fees come to the treasury wallet. Rather than tell you a number, here is every transaction that made it, so you can go and check each one yourself.

Loading the receipts…

Only transfers sent by the launchpad's own contracts are listed here. The treasury is a person's wallet and everything else that touches it is nobody's business — so it is left out on purpose, not hidden. Counting starts at the block the watcher was first pointed at the wallet, which is printed above, because a total is worthless without saying where it starts.

III. The plan

Three of the four
are already ticked.

I work at a fast food restaurant. I am on the fryer. I have been on the fryer for some time. I am good at it, and I mention this more than necessary.

I also have WiFi, a phone, and a plan. The plan is written on a whiteboard in my office, which is a corner of the storeroom, between the printer and the bin marked BEARS & FUD.

Nobody has asked me on what basis I ticked the first three. If anybody does, I will tell them. Sleep is scheduled for later.

Storeroom · whiteboard · do not erase

ROBIN PLAN

  • Launch
  • Moon
  • Lambo
  • Sleep — later

I ticked those myself. The marker is mine. The whiteboard came with the storeroom.

Staff notice board · this month

Employee of the Month — K. Congratulations!

Employee of the Month. CEO of Chaos. Same guy, different hat.

I own a printer. I work a fryer. I have a minimum wage and a maximum conviction, and I genuinely cannot see why that is funny. One of these is going to work out.

Read the full Book of Kevin →

IV. The guy himself

Minimum wage.
Maximum conviction.

Kevin in uniform
KEVIN Fry cook · CEO of Chaos · same guy
Conviction
100
WiFi
4/4
Fryer
97
Wage
min
Plan B
0
Sleep
0

Eats green candles for breakfast, with a spoon, from a bowl with his name on it. Runs a printer in the storeroom. Enormously muscular at the gym and normal-sized everywhere else, which is never addressed. Has never once been late.

After my shift

GTA 6
—

I have had the controller since 2013. It is on the shelf in the storeroom, next to the printer. I check the date. I do not complain about the date. I keep a folder of every date they have announced, and I am not going to be showing anybody that folder, and it exists.

Things I know

  • No pain, only Kevin.
  • Train like Kevin or cry later. Weights don't lie. Neither do I.
  • Robinhood Crunch is 100% degen fuel and I will not be debating that.
  • Big dreams, small wage, no plan B — in that order, on the sign, out of town.
  • A shift is not an obstacle. A shift is a schedule.

V. Kevin's Gym

No pain,
only Kevin.

I built a gym. You can walk into it. It is on the internet, it works on a phone, and it is free.

Five reps to a set and every rep is a timing hit — land the marker in the green band. Bench, dumbbells, treadmill.

Out the front there is a market and there is my other job. Clock in at the fry window, fill the orders before the queue walks out, and spend what you earn on supplements. There is a board on the wall with your name on it, somewhere near the bottom.

Miss a day and it comes off.
That is not a threat. That is just how muscle works.

Open the doors →

Send it to anyone: iamkevin.lol/gym

No wallet, no chain, no purchase — the $KEVIN you earn at the fry window is a score, not supply. Nothing in there mints or moves a token. Progress saves in your own browser and nowhere else.

Opening hours

  1. BenchstrengthSlow sweep, tight band. Heavy and precise.
  2. DumbbellsstrengthQuick and forgiving. The warm-up.
  3. TreadmillstaminaFastest sweep in the room — and stamina widens the band everywhere else.
  4. McKevin's$KEVINSix customers a shift. Read the order, fill the bag, keep them from walking.

Eight ranks, New Starter to CEO of Chaos. Three sets a day keeps the streak. One set keeps the muscle.

VI. The three pools

Three pairs.
One launch.

One is the plumbing, one is the laugh, and one is a GME pool sitting on Robinhood Chain at fifteen percent, which is the joke telling itself. I need all three, and I am not going to explain the third one.

All three pools are open and indexed. Anyone offering you a fourth pool is selling you a fourth pool.

VII. How it launched

Four days in the open.

The auction has closed. It ran for four days through the kekfun.xyz launchpad and settled on Robinhood Chain. Everybody bid into the same window at the same price. No sniping, no presale list, no "team allocation" anybody found out about afterwards — and the rules below are the ones it actually ran under, not the ones we would like to say it ran under.

1,000,000,000Total supply · hard cap
40%Sold in the auction
60%Locked LP · forever
0%Creator allocation

That last one isn't a promise, a pledge, or a thing you have to take our word for. The split is written into the token by the factory contract the moment it's created and can never be changed by anybody, including us. Verify it yourself on Blockscout.

1

Raise · 4 days

10% of supply is released each day for four days. You deposit ETH into whichever day you like. Your share of that day's tokens is pro-rata to everyone else who deposited that day — so if bigger money shows up after you, your allocation shrinks. That's the mechanism, and it's the same for everybody.

2

No snipers, no presale, no list

It's a dutch auction (VRGDA), not a bonding curve race. There's no block-zero advantage to buy, no allowlist to be left off, and nobody got a better price because they knew somebody. Four days, one window, everybody in the same queue.

3

Settle · liquidity locks forever

When the window ends, anyone can trigger settlement — it isn't ours to withhold. The raised ETH has already been spent into the composition legs, and settle mints a full-range Uniswap V4 position per funded leg and locks the NFT in the LP locker. The principal cannot be withdrawn. Not by us, not by anyone, not ever.

4

Claim · 30-day vest

Your allocation unlocks linearly over 30 days from settle. Partial claims any time. Nobody — including whoever bought most — gets their bag in one lump on day one.

5

Then nothing is promised

No roadmap, no partnerships deck, no utility nobody asked for. A guy with a fryer, a whiteboard and a group chat. That's it. That's the product.

Mechanics above are the kekfun protocol's, on Robinhood Chain (id 4663) — not house rules Kevin invented, and not anything he could bend if he wanted to. Read them yourself in the kekfun docs before you send anything anywhere.

VIII. The bin

Bears & FUD.

There is a bin in my office labelled BEARS & FUD. It is where I put things I have decided not to think about. I do not argue with them. I file them. Nothing comes back out, and nothing gets taken down.

Shift manager · Thursday · 3:41 PM

"Kevin. The fryer."
Understood. Launching as soon as my shift is over.

Every cycle · without fail

"It's a dead meme. Nobody's going to care about a badly drawn guy."
Said about every badly drawn guy, immediately before people cared.

The buy button · you remember

"Due to unprecedented volatility, this asset is restricted to position closing only."
In the bin. The GME pool is fifteen percent and I am not discussing it.

Somebody's group chat · March

"I'll buy it if it ever gets on a real exchange."
Noted. Filed. See you at settlement.

Somebody with a drawing tablet · ongoing

"I fixed his eyes and cleaned up the lines."
You did not fix me. The wonk is load-bearing.

Reserved · your name here

Post yours in the group and it goes in the bin.
Real ones only. Faking one is the single thing I will bring up.

IX. House rules

There is no marketing
department. There is a shift.

No paid threads. No engagement farm. No KOL package. There is a group of people posting a fry cook on the internet on purpose, and that is not a bit — it is the entire go-to-market.

  1. He works the fryer. Never write him already rich. The job is the joke and the heart of it.
  2. He has WiFi. The plan requires exactly two things and he has both of them.
  3. Confidence, never desperation. He is not begging anybody to believe. He already knows. You will catch up.
  4. The shift comes first. He would delay the moon for a shift. He has done it.
  5. Never punch down. He works a minimum wage job — never at somebody's job, somebody's bag, or somebody's kid. There is nobody below him.
  6. He is not that other red guy. Never name him. Kevin is his own guy, and this is the most important rule on the list.
  7. He never breaks. No meta jokes, no winking, no "as a memecoin." Kevin does not know he is a brand.

The Shift Bounty

Kevin does not pay for engagement — engagement is people being nice to you for money. He pays for work that got done. Not a plan to make something. Not an intention to make something. The thing itself, posted, with your name on it.

TierWhat it takes
TraineeOne good meme, in character, that made somebody in the group actually reply.
Fry CookA run of them. You turn up on a schedule, like a shift, because that is the whole joke.
Employee of the MonthSomething that outlived the day it was posted — an edit, a montage, a piece of art people keep reusing.
CEO of ChaosYou made a company, a fund or an entire timeline respond to Kevin. In writing.

No bots. No self-dealing. No punching down. And it has to be yours — passing off somebody else's work is the one thing Kevin will bring up, and he will bring it up flatly, once, forever. Bounty sizes and the payout wallet get posted in the group when the round settles.

Launching as soon as
my shift is over.

X. Questions

Ask. I am on break.

Where do I actually find Kevin?

Two places, and they are the only two: @Iamkevinonrh on X and t.me/kevinRBH on Telegram. Anything else claiming to be him — another group, another handle, a DM about an early allocation — is not him. He is at work; he does not DM first.

Is Kevin that one red video-game character?

No. That character is owned by a corporation with a legal department, a brand guide and a mandated shade of red. Kevin has a uniform, a whiteboard and a yellow void. He is legally, spiritually and anatomically his own guy, and this is the single most important fact about him.

Why does the art look like that?

Because the wonk is load-bearing. Straighten his eyes, tidy his lines, give him knees, and what you get is worse — not worse-looking, worse. Less alive. A photograph of a joke. Everything here is drawn slightly wrong on purpose.

Why three pools?

WETH is the plumbing, KEK is the laugh, GME is the point. Plumbing on its own is a bill, a joke on its own is noise, and the point on its own is a guy shouting in a storeroom. He needs all three.

Robinhood Chain? Seriously?

Seriously. A GME liquidity pool, settling on Robinhood's own chain, launched by a fry cook who walked into their building with a briefcase that had his name on it. He is not going to explain it. Nobody here is mad at anybody — this is just where the pool went, and it happens to be the funniest place it could have gone.

You're really burning your whole allocation?

That's the commitment. The protocol gives the creator 0% to begin with, so he bought in the auction like anyone else — then burns what that wallet receives, in public, with the hash posted each time. That is no longer a promise you have to take on faith: the burns have started, the counter above reads them off the chain, and every row links to a transaction you can open. Check instead of trust.

Can the team rug the liquidity?

No, and not because anybody here is nice. Settlement locks the LP positions in the protocol's locker contract with no withdrawal path for anybody — creator included. The creator can claim trading fees on those positions; the principal is gone forever the second it settles. Creator token allocation is 0%, written into the token at creation by the factory. Don't believe any of that — go read the contracts on Blockscout.

What if nobody bids on some days?

A day with zero deposits doesn't block anything. That day's tranche folds into locked LP instead of minting claims — a quiet window just makes the liquidity deeper. Being early on a slow day isn't a punishment.

Does Kevin actually play games?

He has had the controller since the 2013 GTA 6 trailer. It lives on a shelf in the storeroom next to the printer. He checks the date. He does not complain about the date. He keeps the folder.

What's the roadmap?

It is on a whiteboard in a storeroom and three of the four boxes are ticked. Anybody who hands you more roadmap than that is handing you a slide.

How do I get a bounty?

Make something and post it. In character, yours, not punching down. Sizes and the payout wallet get posted in the group.

When did it launch?

7 September 2026, as soon as his shift was over. He was not being coy — that was genuinely how he had scheduled it. The auction has closed and all three pools are open. Anything else that happens goes in the group and on @Iamkevinonrh first.