Kevin · Technical documentation · Revision 1

The Docs

Real projects have documentation. He read that on his phone, in the walk-in, on a break. So: documentation.

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Kevin

Read me first

How to read this

This document has two voices in it and it matters which one you are hearing.

  1. Facts are facts. Supply, addresses, percentages, pool weights — all of it is on chain and all of it is checkable. Go check it. If this page and the chain disagree, the chain is right and this page is a bug.
  2. Kevin is Kevin. He is extremely confident. Confidence is a character trait. It is not a source, a forecast, or a filing.
  3. Nothing here is advice. Not the numbers, not the jokes, and especially not the parts where he sounds certain.

If you only read one section, read §9, Risk factors. It is the only section written entirely in the first voice.

Contents

Table of contents

§1Abstract

We present KEVIN, a fixed-supply ERC-20 token deployed on Robinhood Chain (chain id 4663), distributed by a four-day variable rate gradual Dutch auction, with sixty percent of supply committed to locked liquidity across three pools and zero percent allocated to the creator, the last of which is enforced by the token factory rather than by anybody's good intentions.

We further present Kevin, who works the fryer, has WiFi, and is confident that one of these is going to work out.

A guy at a fryer
made a coin.

Every number in the paragraph above is true and you can check all of them in about ninety seconds. The second paragraph is also true, which is the part people struggle with.

§2What Kevin is, and is not

It is

  • A meme coin.
  • A character with a job, a name, and a shift he has not finished.
  • A website with no framework, no tracker and no cookie banner, because there are no cookies.
  • A Telegram bot that talks like him.
  • A billion tokens on chain 4663 that anybody can verify.
  • A sticker pack, several games, and a truly unreasonable amount of hand-drawn art.

It is not

  • A company.
  • A product, a platform, or a protocol with a customer.
  • Yield. There is no yield. There is nowhere for yield to come from.
  • A security, an offer, or an investment.
  • Affiliated with any restaurant, brokerage, franchise or game — every real name here is parody and nothing else.
  • That other red guy. He is his own guy. This is the most important line on the page.

§3The numbers

These are launch mechanics enforced on chain by the factory, not promises anybody here is making. Copy the address from the group, not from a DM, and not from this page if you got to this page from a DM.

TokenKEVIN — "I am Kevin"
Contract0x63D7fa99022794f594F724e7C38Ff0bE3F9e284A
ChainRobinhood Chain · id 4663
Total supply1,000,000,000 · 18 decimals · fixed, no mint function
Sold at auction40% of supply
Locked liquidity60% of supply
Creator allocation0% — the factory has no field for it
AuctionVRGDA · 4 days · 10% of supply released per day
VestingLinear over 30 days from settlement
Launchpadkekfun.xyz

Creator allocation is zero. Not "zero for now", not "zero excluding advisors". The launchpad contract does not have anywhere to put it.

§4The three pools

Liquidity is split three ways, and each way is a different argument. All three are live and all three are indexed.

Three pools for one token means three prices for one token, which never quite agree. Bots close the gap and keep the difference. That is the job, it is not theft, and it is why a buy alert is sometimes followed one block later by a stranger doing something that looks alarming and is not about you. See §9.3.

§5The stack

Kevin has more infrastructure than plan. This was never the goal. It is simply where we are.

The siteStatic HTML and one stylesheet. No framework, no build step, no analytics, no cookie banner because there is nothing to consent to. It is the whole website. You are on it.
The botTelegram. Answers in his voice, stays quiet when there is nothing to say, and never DMs first. If Kevin slides into your DMs, that is not Kevin.
The artHand-drawn. Sticker pack, emoji pack, walk cycles cut frame by frame. Nobody asked for the walk cycles.
The gamesA gym, a card game, and a DOS thing. He does not want to talk about how long the DOS thing took.
The contractsSolidity, in the open, in contracts/, argued with at length and repeatedly found guilty.

Nothing in contracts/ is deployed. Not one of them has an address. When one does, this section will say so and print the address here. Until then it is a hobby with tests.

All of it is in one public repository. You can read every line, including the comments where somebody was wrong and said so: github.com/PettyMiggzy/kevin.

§6Governance

There isn't any.

No DAO. No token vote. No council. No multisig of anonymous advisors with cartoon avatars and one shared opinion. No forum where a proposal goes to be ignored politely for six weeks.

There is Kevin, and Kevin has a shift, and during the shift nothing happens at all.

§7Reserved

This section is reserved. Kevin will discuss §7 when Kevin is ready to discuss §7.

Please do not ask about §7 in the group.

§8The plan

The plan is four items long and has been on a whiteboard since 2009.

☑ LAUNCH · ☑ MOON · ☑ LAMBO · ☐ SLEEP — LATER
  1. Launch. Done. This one was done properly and in the correct order, which he would like noted.
  2. Moon. Ticked. He ticked it in advance. He describes this as "planning".
  3. Lambo. Also ticked in advance. Same reasoning. He is consistent.
  4. Sleep. Not ticked. Later. There is a shift on.

Three of four boxes are complete. Two of the three were completed by ticking them. The gap between what he has and what he is certain is about to happen is the entire character. He is not deluded exactly. He is early.

On the subject of a roadmap

There isn't one, and there isn't going to be one. A roadmap is a list of promises with dates attached, and every one of them is a thing somebody can later be angry about. Kevin is not going to sell you a quarter.

What there is instead is a list of what already exists, which is the part nobody can take back, and an equally plain list of what is not being promised. Both are below. Both are checkable.

Instead of a roadmap

What actually exists

Shipped

Live right now. Go and click it.

  • This site, and this page.
  • A Telegram bot that answers in his voice and stays quiet when there is nothing to say.
  • 20 stickers, 60 animated stickers and 40 custom emoji, all hand-drawn.
  • Four playable things: a gym, a card game, a DOS thing and a wall of memes.
  • Three pools, live and indexed.

Built, not deployed

Written and tested. No addresses.

  • Four contracts in the open repo.
  • 229 tests, all passing.
  • Three of those tests are attacks that actually worked, found by trying to break the contracts on purpose, and kept forever as tests that now have to keep failing.
  • None of it is on chain. Not one address. When that changes, this page prints the address.

Not promised

Said plainly so nobody has to guess.

  • A date for the GME round. The list exists and is published at /claim; the distributor is not deployed and no date is set.
  • Any date for anything in the middle column.
  • Any price, any target, any outcome.
  • A roadmap with dates on it. (§8.2 is a roadmap with no dates on it. He caved. See §8.2.)

If somebody tells you a date for anything in the middle column, they are guessing, and if they tell you to buy because of it they are not speaking for this project. See §9.6.

He was asked eleven times

The roadmap

Kevin does not believe in roadmaps. Kevin was then asked for a roadmap every day for a week, in three languages, and eventually wrote one on the back of a docket.

It has no dates on it, because a date is a promise and he is not making any. It goes in order, and the order is the only claim being made. Everything already done is marked done. Everything not done says so.

The road out of town: BIG DREAMS, McKEVIN’S, FREEDOM A road running left to right. Big dreams is behind. McKevin’s, where Kevin works, is where he is now. Ahead lie the storeroom (four contracts written, none deployed), the loading bay, a redacted stop, and finally freedom, which the road never quite reaches — it runs off the edge of the map. KEVIN’S rename never finished McKEVIN’S the shift · where $KEVIN comes from YOU ARE HERE FREEDOM McKEVIN’S BIG DREAMS 1 THE STOREROOM 4 written · 0 deployed 2 THE LOADING BAY put an address on one ? REDACTED §7 · do not ask FREEDOM never arrives NOT BEEN THERE YET
The sign is the one from the lore — BIG DREAMS → McKEVIN’S → FREEDOM, three arrows, one direction, and he is following it in order. McKevin’s is not the destination; it is the job. The fog covers the stops that have not happened and only lifts when something ships, so this picture cannot be redrawn to claim progress nobody made. And the road runs off the edge on purpose: the arc never completes, and ☐ SLEEP stays unticked forever. The day he sleeps, the story is over.
✓
Phase one · Clocked in

The part that already happened

  • Launch. Done, and done in the correct order, which he would like noted.
  • Three pools. WETH, KEK and GME. All live, all indexed.
  • A website, and then a documentation page for the website, which nobody asked for.
  • A bot that talks like him and knows when to stay quiet.
  • 120 hand-drawn stickers and emoji. Also nobody asked.
  • ☐ Sleep.
2
Phase two · Still on the shift

Written, tested, no addresses

Four contracts, 229 passing tests, and not one of them is deployed. This phase is finished when one of them has an address printed on this page, and not before.

  • The lockbox. A treasury that cannot be moved quickly. Taking anything out means announcing it publicly and then waiting 14 days while everyone watches.
  • The distributor. A way to hand things to holders where anybody can check the list and check their own share, instead of trusting a screenshot.
  • The commitment layer. You choose a term and hold to it. Leave early and you leave the rewards behind for the people who didn't. Entirely optional.
  • The keeper. Spends the treasury by rules published in advance, capped per trade and per day, which nobody can change on the day — Kevin included. It is not a promise about the price. Nothing is.
  • ☐ Sleep.
3
Phase three · After the shift

Put an address on one of them

  • Any one of the four. That is the entire phase. There is nothing clever in it.
  • Turn the buy bot on, so the group sees what he sees at the same time he sees it.
  • ☐ Sleep.
4
Phase four · His day off

Redacted

See §7. Please stop asking about §7.

  • ☐ Sleep.
★
The destination

Freedom

McKevin's is not the destination. McKevin's is the job. It is the fryer, the shift, the fascia where the rename was never finished, and it is where $KEVIN comes from. He is not walking towards it. He is walking out of it.

The sign on the road out of town reads BIG DREAMS → McKEVIN'S → FREEDOM. Three arrows, one direction, and he is following it in order. He is on the middle arrow. He has been on the middle arrow since 2009.

☐ Sleep. Still unticked, and it stays that way. The day he sleeps, the story is over — so the road runs off the edge of the map rather than arriving anywhere.

Not on the roadmap

  1. A quarter. Any quarter. He does not know what quarter it is.
  2. A tier-one exchange listing that he cannot actually deliver and would be quoting at you to make you buy.
  3. A partnership announcement about an announcement.
  4. An ecosystem. There is a guy and a fryer.
  5. A rebrand. He has one look. He drew it himself.
  6. The GME round. Deliberately not a phase. The snapshot has been taken and published, but nothing is deployed and no date is set, and it stays off this list until it is open and funded — see §9.6.

No item above has a date and none of them ever will. If you see this roadmap quoted somewhere with dates added, somebody added them, and it was not Kevin.

The section written in the other voice

§9Risk factors

No jokes in this section. Nine things that are true.

  1. It can go to zero. Most meme coins do. Assume this one will and size accordingly. Only spend what you would be happy to set on fire for the bit, because that is the transaction you are doing.
  2. Liquidity is thin. There is not much depth in these pools. A large order moves the price a long way, and moves it back a long way when it unwinds. That is arithmetic, not sabotage, and it applies to your buy exactly as much as it applies to somebody else's sell.
  3. Three pools means three prices. They drift apart and bots close the gap for profit. If you buy in one pool and immediately see a stranger's transaction in another, that is usually a bot doing arbitrage one block later. It is not aimed at you and it did not take your money.
  4. There is no floor. No price is defended. No contract owes you a bid. Nobody is standing underneath this. Anybody who tells you there is a floor is either confused or selling you something.
  5. Confidence is not a mechanism. Kevin is certain. His certainty does not appear anywhere in the code and cannot be redeemed.
  6. The GME round is not open. The snapshot has been taken and the full list is published at /claim — but the distributor is not deployed, there is no date, and nothing can be claimed. The window it was taken over has already closed, so buying now cannot put you on the list: the list cannot change. Anybody telling you to buy or hold to qualify is either confused or selling you something, and is not speaking for this project.
  7. Scammers will target you. Fake groups, fake contracts, fake support. He does not DM first, there is no allocation for you, and the only real contract address is the one pinned in the official group. Check it character by character.
  8. Nothing here is financial advice and none of it is an offer to sell a security. It is a joke on the internet with a website attached.
  9. Nobody is coming to fix it. There is no support desk, no recovery, and no reversing a transaction. See §12, which is shorter than you would like.

§10Glossary

The Click3:41 PM, Thursday, 14 May 2009. He clocked in. He has not clocked out. The counter on the front page has never been reset and never will be.
The ShiftOngoing.
The VoidYellow.
The PlumbingThe WETH pool. The honest one. It does not believe in anything.
The LaughThe KEK pool. The sound the walk-in makes at 2am when it agrees with you.
The PointThe GME pool. The smallest slice and the loudest joke. He is not discussing it.
McKevin'sThe dream. Not a real restaurant. Legally, and this is important, an extremely not-real restaurant.
Employee of the MonthSeptember. Self-awarded. Ran unopposed.
WAGMIHe believes this one completely and without irony, which is the whole problem.
WenAfter the shift.

§11Errata

Things this project got wrong, kept in public, with the correction attached. Deleting a mistake is not the same as fixing one.

  1. The contract address was called the wrong token. A comment in the config once asserted the address was an old token on a different chain. Nothing had been checked before that was written, and it was then repeated back to the owner as fact — twice — telling him his own contract address was wrong. Checked properly afterwards from two machines, the address was correct the entire time. The comment is still in the config with the correction underneath it.
  2. Fifteen percent was written as eighteen. The liquidity list said fifteen and the sentence under it said eighteen, spelled out in words, so nobody searching for "18" would ever have found it. They were made to come from one place — and then an audit found a fifth copy, hand-typed, in the lead paragraph of §VI on the front page, which the claim in this entry had already declared impossible. That one is read from config now too. The lesson kept: the sentence "they cannot disagree again" is a thing to go and check, not a thing to write.
  3. A contract could be tricked into raising the same number thirty times in one transaction. Found by attacking it on purpose, reproduced for about a hundredth of an ether, fixed, and the attack kept as a test that now has to keep failing forever.
  4. GTA 6 has been wrong four times. Kevin does not consider these errors. Kevin considers these Rockstar's errors.

§12Support

Support hoursHe is at work.
Response timeAfter the shift.
Escalation pathThere is not one.
Service level agreementNo.
Where he actually is @Iamkevinonrh on X and t.me/kevinRBH on Telegram. Those two, and nowhere else. Another group, another handle, or a message about an early allocation is not him.

Launching as soon as
my shift is over.